Tag Archives: Lesbians

Saying Goodbye To Lesbian Bed Death

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Sometimes when a couple has been together for a long time, sex isn’t the main priority for them, or one person in the relationship isn’t as into it.  Regarding lesbian relationships, this has been called “Lesbian Bed Death” (LBD).

Just like any other type of couple, a lesbian couple might find that they’re not as passionate as they were when they first met.  Even though this a common occurrence for those who’ve been together long-term, it is a hot topic in the LGBTI+ community.  This issue can be worked on if both partners in the relationship are willing to give it a shot. Read on for some ideas you can use to spice up your sex life and put LBD behind you.

Reintroduce romance to the relationship
It’s easy enough to take your partner for granted when you’ve been together for awhile. You’re both most likely very busy, juggling work and family life. See what happens when you start to surprise your partner with tickets to a movie they want to see or some flowers. Whatever you know will make them smile.

Spend some time on your own
Have your own life and social circle. Maybe take up a new hobby or join a group with similar interests. A little time away from each other now and then will make you appreciate each other more.

Go ahead and have sex
There’s always an excuse to not have time for something that seems like a luxury. Sex is an important part of an intimate relationship. Make it a priority and set aside time for quick, but passionate lovemaking during a break at work, or go on a mini vacation to a hotel, even near home.

Show affection toward each other
When you’re not being loving and affectionate (touching, cuddling, kissing, etc.), you might as well be housemates.  Long-term relationships need love and attention. Remember why you were so excited about your partner in the first place and go from there.

Harmful Myths About Lesbian Partner Violence

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Domestic violence happens in every type of relationship

Crisis line counselors are sometimes warned to be extra vigilant when they screen those seeking safety from domestic violence because, in the case of lesbian relationships, some pretend to be victims in order to be admitted into a shelter to access their partner. Turning a blind eye to domestic violence in lesbian relationships tells abusers they can get away with it…because they do.  Here are some myths about same sex partner violence in lesbian relationships that need to come out in the open:

Because there are two women in the partnership they must have equal power.

People have skewed ideas about how different people of one sex can be–women in particular.  There are women who are very capable of using incredible strength to cause great physical harm to their partner–biting, punching, kicking…all of it. Homicides and serious injury do occur. Not all women are nurturing.  In fact, in a survey that included over 1,100 lesbians, more than half said they were abused by a same sex partner at some point in their life. And, up to 50 percent of lesbians have reported sexual abuse.

Sexual abuse doesn’t exist in lesbian partnerships.

Unfortunately, people tend not to believe that sexual abuse happens in lesbian relationships.  When they think of this type of abuse, there is an idea that forced penetration with a penis must be involved.  This is completely false.  Emotional abuse with coercion and threats often occur in lesbian relationships, which forces one woman to submit.  Threatening to “out” a partner is common as is humiliation in general.  One woman can very well dominate another in a violent manner and sexually abuse the other, despite common beliefs to the contrary.

Lesbians and heterosexuals are equally as challenged after leaving an abusive relationship.

Although leaving an abusive relationship is difficult for anyone, lesbians face some specific challenges that heterosexuals don’t.  Many lesbians do not seek assistance because they fear a homophobic response.  Others are ashamed of their own sexuality due to messages they received growing up.  Lesbians often don’t feel like they can be themselves much less risk being rejected when they seek help.  Sometimes they’re not out to their families and abusers take advantage of this fact to further isolate them, perpetuating dependence.

Butch lesbians are the only ones who are abusive.

A woman doesn’t have to identify as butch or have any typically masculine traits whatsoever to be an abusive person.  Not every lesbian relationship is butch/femme.  A feminine lesbian who is an abuser can use this false assumption to her advantage.  She might threaten to call the police when she’s not the one who is actually the victim. Sadly, law enforcement sometimes falls for this when the partner being blamed looks more masculine.

Sexual Safety During Pregnancy Possible For Lesbians Too

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Worrying about the safety of sexual activity is not something limited to heterosexual couples. Many lesbian couples worry, too.  Thankfully, there’s generally no reason to avoid intimacy when you’re expecting. However, there may be certain activities your doctor will advise you to avoid if you are considered a high-risk pregnancy.

Pregnant lesbians may find the topic of sex to be a touchy subject. During pregnancy some women experience heightened senses and an increased libido, while others lack sexual desire completely. Some have partners who are afraid of injuring the baby and, as a result, put any sexual feelings on the back burner.  It’s important to keep in mind, though, that most pregnant women want to be intimate and many want to participate in sexual activity.

Even if genital sex is not desired, there are other ways to go about creating intimacy such as massage, kissing, and touching.  The majority of types of lesbian sexual activity, including light penetration, is safe for most pregnant women. However, it’s important to stay away from certain activities such as rough S&M, deep thrusting, or fisting. Do not continue any sexual activity that triggers any discomfort. Avoiding sex toys such as vibrators, dildos and strap-ons are suggested since there’s difficulty in knowing where they’re touching exactly.

During pregnancy, it’s important to take time for yourselves.  Otherwise, you’ll find that you won’t naturally have that emotional energy. Take time to get together with friends and family. This is especially important if you’re a single pregnant woman, finding that you’re isolated from most of the lesbian community during this time. Perhaps you’ll even find it worth considering to give yourself a spa day.

And, if you are in a partnership, include your loved one for the spa day. You needn’t even visit a spa. Stay home, give each other massages, have a special dinner together, and even a gigantic dessert. Why not? At least once in awhile.

This is not an easy time for couples, in general, but it can still have more ups than downs. You can both keep your relationship fresh, especially when remembering that you’re going to have to take it more slowly than usual. You might have actual sex less, but find that you’ll become more intimate with your partner in ways that you never imagined.

Tips for Lesbians Seeking a Love Life Boost

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Do you feel a little bored with your life? Or, maybe even feel like it’s a chore? That’s not what anyone wants when it comes to sex. It’s okay. It’s normal to go through periods of time when you’re somewhat stuck and need to put a little more effort into spicing things up.

Spend time together
It’s wise not to assume things will work out on their own.  You need to put some effort into creating a more satisfying love life.  Mark your calendar and set aside an entire day for the two of you to explore each other completely — mind and body.  Both of you may be pleasantly surprised about what you discover.

Kiss for awhile
Why don’t both of you spend a lot more time kissing, without worrying about doing anything else?  Often, lovers spend a lot of time thinking about the end result. You may find that if you spend time kissing, you’ll become much more intimate and sex will be phenomenal.

Don’t become too comfortable
You and your lover need not become victims of lesbian bed death.  Make sure to spend some time away from each other once in a while; make your own friends, and just socialize.  A little bit of time away from each other will make you both appreciate one another that much more.  Of course, this appreciation and excitement will extend to the bedroom.

Buy some toys
Even the thought alone and the decision to purchase a good toy is exciting.  If you’re both inexperienced, check out some websites that sell adult toys, and communicate about what turns you on.  Maybe start with a dildo, which is pretty versatile. If you decide you want to go all out and use a strap-on for sex, do that, too. It’s your choice, and that can be arousing on its own.

Pick out a good lube
This is important to use on your sex toys, but also in general.  It can be rubbed in all sorts of sexy places and is even more arousing if you choose one with stimulant properties.

Massage
Incorporate some massage into your love life.  Make sure to explore every inch of your lover’s body. Using lotions and oil makes it that much better. You may discover new places you both like to be touched.

Dress up/Role play
You might decide to go for some power playing if you’re in a respectful, trusting relationship.  This may strengthen your trust towards each other.  One person playing the dominating role can be incredibly arousing.  You may also choose to use costumes and uniforms.  Invite a light-hearted sense of humor to set the mood.  Laughing together can be sexy…and maybe you’ve always been turned on by a woman in uniform–here’s your chance to make that happen.

Common Myths About Lesbians

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Are you a lesbian tired of hearing myths about who you are and what you do?

Or, are you just curious and want to dig beneath the surface for some truth? Either way, it’s important to clear up some common misconceptions every once in awhile. Some of them can be quite damaging. Let’s look at some of the more frequent myths:

Lesbians are man-haters
This isn’t true at all. In fact, there are lesbians who love men.  They have long-term friendships with men and might have a man who’s a best friend to them. It’s confusing that this myth is popular at all because it doesn’t make logical sense.

Butch lesbians really want to be men
It’s true that we all express ourselves in different ways and sometimes it happens that women wear clothing or their hair in styles that are more traditionally masculine. It does not follow that women want to be another gender. Those looking to change their sex are transsexual. Sometimes clothing style has little to do with expression and more to do with comfort.

You must sleep with a woman before you know you’re a lesbian
If heterosexuals can know they’re attracted to someone else before sex, the same applies to lesbians, or anyone else for that matter.

If you’re a lesbian this means you’re attracted to all women
Bogus. This is a myth where anyone’s concerned. Apply it to yourself. Are you attracted to everyone of a specific group?

Being a lesbian is a choice
There have been numerous types of therapies attempting to get people to “become” straight that are not only ineffective, but downright damaging. Studies have shown that sexual orientation isn’t chosen and that it’s an inborn trait.

Lesbians relationships are about sex
Not true. Lesbian relationships are often multi-faceted, involving families and emotional connections as well as sex.

Lesbians just haven’t found ‘the right man’
If anything, many lesbians haven’t found the right woman yet.  Just as in any type of relationship, it takes some time to find the right partner. Lesbians aren’t interested in finding the right man because they’re attracted to women. It seems simple enough, but a lot of people find that difficult to swallow.

You know a lesbian when you see her
You might, in fact, have a decent intuition or “gaydar”, but this is not something that can be measured in any definite way just by looking at someone.

One partner plays “the man” in a lesbian relationship
Sometimes the dynamics of a same sex relationship make it seem easier to assume that male/female roles are being played, but it’s not the case.  There are a lot of different kinds of lesbian relationships, butch/femme being one, but that doesn’t mean that one person is pretending to be a man.

Lesbians can’t be religious or spiritual
There are some churches that are accepting of all humans, and spirituality is a subjective experience. Unfortunately, there are some denominations that would think lesbians are living in sin.

Cervical Cancer Risk for Lesbians

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The risk factors for developing cervical cancer are the same for all women regardless of gender identity and sexual orientation (LGBT Health Education .org). That said, bisexual women and lesbians are ten times less likely to get tested for cervical cancer.

Regular screenings, however, have been shown to be the best way to catch it early when treatment options and outcomes are the best. Lesbians are less likely to get preventative healthcare out of all women and lesbians and bisexuals are less likely to have health insurance that heterosexual women. Originally, cervical cancer was the most deadly form of cancer for women. Today, with early screening, it is one of the most preventable.

Since we know now that bisexual and lesbian women are the least likely to be screened, an outreach program is underway to get cervical cancer under control, and these two groups have been designated as priority populations. In addition, black women suffer the highest mortality rates from cervical cancer, while the highest age-adjusted rates are suffered by Hispanic women.  Survival rate from cervical cancer within the first five years of being diagnosed is 67.9%, but if it is found early on, the survival rate is 90.7%. That’s why it’s so important to reach out to these populations and motivate them to get regular screenings.

Smoking, immunosuppression often related to HIV, and human papilloma virus (HPV) infection are major risk factors for cervical cancer. Many in the LGBT community such as lesbian women, bisexual women and transgender men who still have a cervix have higher chances of having or developing these other conditions, and so have an increased risk of developing cervical cancer.  What makes matters worse, since they are much less likely to be insured, they are less likely to seek out preventative care.

Obesity is another risk factor which is also higher among lesbians. Not as much data is available on bisexual women, though some studies show that they may have lower insurance rates and higher smoking rates, making them also more susceptible. One study found that 2.2% of bisexual women develop cervical cancer as opposed to 1.3% of heterosexual women. Hispanic and black bisexual and lesbian women should be particularly targeted for an outreach program.

Although we are seeing more and more types of studies being done concerning LGBT health, more still has to be done. We see that race and age data is often collected while sexual orientation data often slips through the cracks of the healthcare system. There has been a pivot recently. LGBT health is becoming more of a priority in communities across the country and certainly on the national front.  We should see this data being collected more and issues such as this coming to the forefront, as well as policies and procedures to better address the health disparities suffered by the LGBT community.

Cervical Cancer Risk for Lesbians and WSW
Dr. M. Mirza, LGBT Health Wellness – 2015

Lesbians, women of genius

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Lesbians, women of genius: Hong Kong star Denise Ho, who is mobilizing for democracy, iconic football player Megan Rapinoe who refuses to meet Trump, Adèle Haenel who broke Caesar: lesbians are making history, says activist Alice Coffin popularizing the concept of “lesbian genius.”

This article is from Libé’s feminism and sexuality newsletter L.

Lesbians have genius and we don’t know that. Collective Barbe and activist Alice Coffin from the European Lesbian Conference said, “They play a leading role in many social and political movements, and this is unspoken. There are many examples throughout history. Hong Kong pop star Denise Ho and the Umbrella Democratic movement, iconic American football player Megan Rapinoe. and refusal to see Trump in the White House, Black Lives Matter, founders of the black American movement, or tennis player Billie Jean King, who demanded equal pay to men in the 70s …

Being a lesbian is not only a romantic or sexual trend, but also a way to exist in the world. Doing it without people’s eyes will provide considerable political freedom, greater freedom of psychic thinking. “Lesbian genius is the capacity to think and grasp these mechanisms of society that are completely different from the codes prevailing in patriarchy. This genius is also the power to cultivate them, ”explains Alice Coffin. The concept was born in European militant circles, the French activist made a book for it and it was released by Grasset this spring. Speaking of lesbian genius is fighting one of the biggest discriminations lesbians suffer: invisibility. “The word ‘lesbian‘ is difficult to pronounce even in public spaces. With that word, we had to fight against Google that was sending spam messages directly,” Alice Coffin said.

Lesbian Author Patricia Highsmith

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Patricia Highsmith (1921-1995) is credited with writing many novels.

Her novels are psychological thrillers. Here are just a few of them

The Price of Salt (as Claire Morgan, 1952)

The Blunderer (1954)

The Talented Mr. Ripley (1955)

Deep Water (1957) –

This Sweet Sickness (1960)

The Cry of the Owl (1962)

The Tremor of Forgery (1969) –

Ripley Under Ground (1970

Suspension of Mercy (1965)

Those Who Walk Away (1967

Edith’s Diary (1977)

An Unhappy Childhood

Patricia did not have a happy childhood. She did not meet her father until she was twelve years of age. In later years, Patricia believed that her current problems of alcoholism, anorexia and feelings of inadequacy stemmed from her repressed childhood. Her mother seems to have been cold and unloving and homophobic. Patricia would hear sentences from her mother in her teens, such as “Are you a les? because you are beginning to make noises like one.” Years later, when journalists were waiting to interview Patricia, her mother even posed as her.

College Years and Lesbian Affairs

Patricia attended Barnard University and was known to be an intellectual. She had a number of affairs with women which was easy for Patricia who was known for her beauty and her wit. Her aloof nature may have also been a challenge and an attraction. Perhaps, it was hard for Patricia to love when she had never felt love as a child.

You Will Not be a Lesbian

Her mother and other family members wanted Patricia to marry and be “cured” of her homosexuality. For whatever reason (be it money or a need to be loved), Patricia agreed to undergo a long period of psychoanalysis. It failed.

To Thine Own Self Be True

Like so many gays and lesbians, the acceptance of her own sexuality was a reward to who she was and it provided positive creativity for her bestselling novels and short stories.

An Unique Personality

It is true that Patricia had a macabre imagination. In her later years, she became increasingly anti-social and “unusual.” She developed a friendship with snails and brought them with her. She placed them in her purse.

In closing, I look at Patricia’s life and cheer her for her bravery, creativity and hope that she found love in some of her relationships.

Paula, 2015, stories4hotbloodedlesbians.com

 

American First Lesbian Attorney General

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If you are confused about American politics (which I as a Canadian am often), there are two major parties in the USA – the Democrats and the Republicans. President Obama is a Democrat.

If you are a lesbian, then the Democratic party is kinder to you. Under President Obama and with pressure on the Supreme Court by the LGBT community and their friends, state by state is legalizing same-sex marriage.

Democrat Maura Healey was elected as the state’s new top cop last night,succeeding her former boss Martha Coakley and making history as the nation’s first openly gay state attorney general.

“I’m so humble and grateful to the voters across the state for turning out to elect me,” said Healey, who plans to tackle gun violence, prescription drug and heroin abuse, and civil rights, among other issues, when she takes office in January.

“It’s a broad agenda and a big agenda. … As attorney general you don’t have the luxury to do just one thing at once,” Healey said. “It’s important to build and maintain the top talent in the attorney general’s office so we’re able to protect the people of Massachusetts.”

Healey, who helped lead the legal battle to strike down the Defense of Marriage Act and give federal recognition to same-sex married couples while working for the attorney general’s office, beat out Winchester attorney and Republican John B. Miller to become the first openly gay state attorney general in the nation.

“I’m proud that we’ve broken that barrier, but I’m also proud that it wasn’t an issue during the campaign,” Healey said. “I think that says a lot about how far we’ve come.”

MassEquality Executive Director KC Coredini called Healey’s win a “historic victory for LGBTQ people and for LGBTQ equality.”

“Maura has spent the last seven years in the attorney general’s office making the commonwealth a national leader on LGBTQ issues with her vision, drive and talent,” Coredini said. “Now, as the country’s first openly gay state attorney general, she is poised to make history again, not only with what more she will accomplish in this critical office, but with who she is.”

Healey worked in the AG’s office first as the chief of the civil rights division and then leading bureaus on Public Protection and Advocacy, as well as on Business and Labor.

The former Middlesex County prosecutor cast herself as the underdog and triumphed in the primary over the Democratic-establishment-backed candidate Warren Tolman to win a spot on yesterday’s ballot.

Healey, a Harvard graduate, also played professional basketball in Europe before earning a law degree at Northeastern University.

In the open race for treasurer, Brookline Democrat Deb Goldberg beat Republican Mike Heffernan and Green Rainbow candidate Ian Jackson to replace Treasurer Steven Grossman, while Democratic incumbents Secretary of State William F. Galvin and Auditor Suzanne Bump held onto their seats.

Galvin fended off challenges from Malden Republican David D’Arcangelo as well as Green Rainbow Party candidate Daniel Factor, while Bump bested Republican Patricia

Maura Healy-American First Lesbian Attorney General

Paula, 2014, stories4hotbloodedlesbians.com

Lesbian Kiss in Protest at British Supermarket

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A naive and rather uninformed security guard tried to stop two lesbians sharing a kiss at a British seaside town of Brighton, England. Brighton is a Mecca for gays and lesbians and it is just about an hour’s drive by car from London.

The incident that sparked the protest happened last week when a customer complained about Annabelle Paige, a Sussex University student, and her partner kissing.

Ms Paige told The Times newspaper that she had only given her girlfriend a light kiss, but was told by a security guard to stop or leave the store. “I’m so shocked and upset about it. I get that if another customer is uncomfortable that’s a bad thing… but the problem is the other customer was in the wrong and essentially being homophobic. The guard didn’t seem to understand that, I was absolutely humiliated,” she said shortly after the incident.

Well, never underestimate people who stand up for equality whether they are gay or straight. The result was a “Big Kiss-In” has been held in the Brighton branch of Sainsbury’s. This is a nation-wide chain and the top brass wanted to get rid of the bad publicity generated by what was clearly a homophobic security guard.Kiss_In_3

Dozens of people – men and women, including one couple in wedding dress – descended on the store on Wednesday as bemused shoppers looked on.

Video footage of the event shown by ITV News showed a number of couples, some in fancy dress, kissing as people held signs with supermarket-style slogans like “Live well for lez”.

Sussex University’s students union said in a tweet: “Thanks to everyone who took part in the #bigkissin. Great to see people in Brighton and beyond showing we like kissing and hate homophobia.”

P.S. Trish and I visited Brighton in the spring of 2014 and we had a great time. Lesbians in pubs chatted with us and welcomed us to their wonderful seaside resort. Hello and well-done, Brighton!